I went into your house, took a booger off the wall, and yo mama told me not to touch the family portrait.

Yo mama's doctor diagnosed her with a rapid flesh eating disease. Now she's got only 36 more years to live!

Yo mama's so fat, she's the main ingredient in Ding Dongs.

Did you know flies were given wings so that they could beat yo mama to the dump?
Heard yo mama fills up the bathtub ... THEN puts the water in.

Yo Mama so FAT, when she goes to the shoe-shiner, she has to take his word that he's done.

If Ugliness were bricks, yo mama would have her own projects.

Know how they made the movie, "Speed"?
They dressed your mama up and drove her while they dangled a Hostess Cupcake in front of her.

Hey, I got nothing to say about Yo Mama cuz she's a saint ... a Saint Bernard.

What's the difference between yo mama and a water buffalo?
About 25 pounds.
How do you even it up?
Either force-feed the buffalo, or shave yo mama.

Yo mama's so FAT:

• she was mistaken for God's bowling ball.
• when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.
• she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
• she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.
• her favorite dress is a tent.
• she left home with high heels, she came back with flip-flops.
• she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
• she needs a building permit for her girdle.
• she needs a hula hoop for a belly button ring.
• she puts on her belt with a boomerang.
• she puts on tampons with a bazooka.
• she has to put on lipstick with a paint-roller.
• she needed her ears pierced with a harpoon.
• she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out.
• she sat on a quarter and got two dimes and a nickel.
• she rolled over four quarters and made it a dollar.
• when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's nose.
• the Department of Transportation makes her wear a "Caution, Wide Turn" sign.
• when she steps on a scale, it reads "One at a time, please".
• when she steps on a scale, it says "To be continued..."
• when she steps on a scale, it says "I don't do livestock".
• the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale.
• the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
• when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips.
• she eats Wheat THICKS.
• when she bends over we lose an hour of daylight.
• she has her own zip code.
• the phone company gave her two area codes.
• she walked past the TV and I missed 3 commercials.
• people jog around her for exercise.
• when she puts on her clothes, they beg for mercy.
• when she wears a yellow raincoat, folks run after her yelling "TAXI!"
• when she wears a red dress, kids run after her cuz they think it's the Kool Aid Man.
• when she wears a Malcom X shirt, helicopters try to land on her.
• she shows up on radar.
• when she auditioned for Indiana Jones, she got the part of the big rolling ball.
• she couldn't star in Forrest Gump because she kept eating the box of chocolates.
• they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping ... and they still hit the ground.
• she looks at a menu and goes, "Okay!"
• when she goes to a restaurant, she even orders the "Thank You, Come Again."
• when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.
• when she brought her dress to the cleaners, they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains."
• when the police showed her a picture of her feet, she couldn't identify them.
• when she goes to the beach, the kids yell, "Free Willy!"
• Willy freed her.
• she makes Free Willy look like a Tic Tac.
• the difference between her and Moby Dick is about three pounds.
• when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun.
• when she sits at the beach, Greenpeace tries to tow her back into the ocean.
• when she sits in front of the "Hollywood" sign, you can only see the "H" and the "D".
• she measures 36-24-36, and the other arm is just as big!
• she was Miss Arizona -- class battleship.
• she doesn't wear Dazzey Dukes; she wears Boss Hoggs.
• she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book.
• her senior picture had to be an aerial view.
• she has to fly cargo class.
• when she puts on a pair of BVD's, it stretches to "BouleVarD".
• she has to wear a sock on each toe.
• she's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat.
• the AIDS quilt can't cover her.
• the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.
• she qualifies for group insurance.
• when she steps on gum, she can tell you what flavor it is.
• the shadow of her ass weighs 50 lbs.
• she needs to put a bookmark in her folds to find her belly button.
• her navel gets home 15 minutes before she does.
• when I swerved to avoid her on the road, I ran out of gas.
• you have to grease the door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
• even God can't lift her spirits.
• God said "Let there be Light", and moved her fat ass.
• her nickname is "DAAAMN!".
• she sells shade in the summer.
• cows graze by her for the shade.
• when she went to the zoo, the elephants threw peanuts at her.
• she got on an airplane and only the wings took off.
• when she told the airport she needed to fly right away, they stamped "GoodYear" on her ass and put her on the runway!
• the airport categorizes her ass as carry-on luggage.
• when she ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.
• she lost at Hide and Seek when I spotted her behind the Himalayas.
• she could be the eighth continent.
• she farted and put herself into orbit.
• I have to roll her over twice to get her on her back.
• I gotta ride a bus and two trains to get on her good side.
• when your family wants to watch home movies, they dress her in white and seat her in front.
• when she eats at McDonald's, they have to go outside and double the number on the sign that says amount of people served.
• her ass has got more meat than a freezer at Price-Costco.
• her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud.
• I got rich by making her sit on coal.
• her cereal bowl comes with its own lifeguard.
• she masturbates while looking at pictures in a cookbook.
• the only thing attracted to her is gravity.
• small objects tend to orbit her.
• she's got tan lines from the refridgerator light.
• her belly button's got an echo.
• I'm jealous of yo daddy. He's got TWICE the woman anyone else has!
• I've known her all my life ... and I still haven't seen ALL of her!