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1. Shaggy
By far the #1 suspect. His clothes, his hair his bad goatee, the boy converses with dogs. But all of this is nothing until you go to the Munchies Factor. Anybody who averages 9.3 dog treats
consumed per episode smokes pot, no ifs, ands, or, buts about it. And look at the way him and his friends painted that van! Pretty rad design dude.
2. Daffy Duck
If he isn't using crack, Marion Barry is clean. He is so wired he bounces around on his head without pain. Blows his beak off all the time. Some symptoms might be from "daffiness" but Haldol
wouldn't work for him.
3. Dopey Dwarf
He openly admits it. The other dwarfs deny involvement, but they are under investigation. Allegations are that Doc is writing some extra scripts for Sneezy and all the guys partaking are
afloat.
4. Droopy
The number one downer abuser in toon land. Can't someone slip him an upper every year or two. The only time I ever saw him happy is when he sees the picture of the babe.
5.& 6. Yogi and Boo Boo
We all know what is really in those picnic baskets. They go back to the cave and trip.
7. He-Man
This is an easy one. I mean c'mon. Roid monkey #1. "BY THE POWER OF ANABOL!!!!!!" Alone in his castle, hitting the weights. And on top of that he even injects it in his pet tiger. Can we say "Animal Abuse"?
8. Snagglepuss
Can't explain it. Maybe it's the name, or the look, but he is suspicious.
9. Olive Oyl
Probably Dexatrim abuse, maybe some amphetamines. Who is that skinny?! She might even be anorexic, she is always giving her
burger to her friend.
10. Gargamel (From the Smurfs)
Most likely LSD. Spends his life in pursuit of little blue guys in sissy white outfits and mentally abusing his cat. What does he plan to do with the blue dwarfs when he catches them anyway?
11.She-Ra
Come on, any woman who is that buff is also poppin' 'roids. Besides, her brother is her supplier, and any horse that can fly has got to be lit up
on something!
12.Hagar the Horrible
I picture Hagar out on the lawn smoking some serious pot from a six-foot bong. After all, he does rampage through all the medieval castles
stealing their stashes!
13.Calvin and Hobbes
This kid has found the paint and is inhaling for hours. Any kid that talks to his tiger and gets tackled by it has got to be sniffing. Let's not forget all the memorable scenes of when his food becomes monsterous and tries to kill him. Psychadelic overload.
14.Stimpy
Haven't you wondered why this cat is so fat? Heavy case of the munchies. He hides all of his weed in his bags of Gritty Kitty Litter. The cat is so high, he feels no pain when being smacked by Ren.
15.Jon (From Garfield)
Let's face it, Jon has nothing better to do except suck the crack pipe and talk to his pets. Every now and then he lets Odie take a hit or two.
16.Peanuts
Snoopy is just lit up on anything he can find. First, dogs don't sleep on their backs, and second, a dog that DOES sleep on his back on a 12/12 pitch roof
has got to be stoned, cuz any coherent individual doesn't have the proper equalibrium to perform this balancing act. His pop just drinks his life away, it's Jack and Coke for that beagle.
17.Tigger
There have been many accusations about Tigger, but I believe this behavior is due to his ADDS (attention deficit disorder syndrome) and low tolerance of Ridalin. This cat needs Prozac!
18.Rabbit
Everyone know what Rabbit does in his house. Besides, he is always upset when people bother him. After all, I would be upset if people keep interrupting me while my hash brownies were cooking. And those aren't cooking spices he keeps, that is his dope supply, and those drums of so-called "honey" are merely his liquid cocaine stashes.
19.The Joker
You would have to be trippin' to wear clothes that psychadelic. After getting beat up every day, he is still laughing. He can't even stop that huge smile, because he is so high. I think him and the Riddler have parties and smoke out together.
20.Speedy Gonzales
Yippa Yippa Needa Las Drugas!!! This guy has had way too much speed. He's even named after it. Has this rat ever gotten tired? |